Boarding the plane from a wonderful time in paradise back home.
Back to funerals, business trips, and daily traffic commutes with spilled coffee and mild cursing during merging. Daily routine slips back into the drivers seat. Sniff sniff. Is that...tuna? It's annoying enough to hear crying babies or to sit in a cramped seat...but tuna...come on.
The flight attendant flutters by "alrighty folks you're setting in an exit row. Are you able and willing to assist in the case of an emergency?" I answered "sure" as if I had a choice. I was apathetic but the lady next to me accepted her honor a little more seriously than I. As if sitting in the exit row gave her this power and prestige over the other patrons. Her gain of control over the task of potentially saving lives was odd...odd like that smell of tuna.
I would say i don't like to be in control, but i would be lying. I like knowing. I like having direction. I liked controlled chaos. I'd like to snatch that tuna sand which and throw it out the window and watch it fall through the clouds. But I couldn't just get up from my exit row throne and lunge over the seats now could I? I had no control. I could only accept.
But that's life. The more control I thought I had the less I actually had. As I reflected on how little control I had over my life I began to feel myself aging. A little wisdom, with a new epiphany came a wrinkle. I felt small, like a slowing fading shadow. To sit in an upright seat, fasten seatbelt and be forced to reflect was painful. To realize the two drastic sides of life was gut churning . Time slid its crusty feeble hand into mine and it took me to this place.
This place where life is kind until it morphs into death. Desperately grasping my faith like a bar of slippery soap. Where my memories aren't even real just mere perspectives of bits and pieces of broken reality. What was even real? The tuna. The tuna was real. My emotions. My emotions were real. My pain. My pain was real. Real but fading. My emotions, my pain, the tuna smell. Inhale....exhale...inhale...oh nope tuna smell still there.
Sitting upright, seatbelt fasten, tuna fading ......release
